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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Wednesday, December 4th, 2002

(13 speechless souls | look into my world)

Time:8:35 am.


Monday, October 21st, 2002

(2 speechless souls | look into my world)

Subject:Read this why don't you?
Time:8:55 pm.
I am jealous. You hold that which I desired. Yes, desired. I've lost, so I step down. Good for you. I commend you. I'm done.


The dull hum of the computer fills my ears as I type here. I'm jealous. Jealous of you all. It is very rare for me to be jealous. I simply never cared enough to be as such, or for the most part I was generally happy for the smug bastards that smiled and held their girls, or proudly showed off their materialistic items, or perfects scores in their studies. But now.. I am fed up. No longer do you speak of your happiness, but you all shove it in my face. Perhaps knowingly or perhaps not. I don't care which one it is. You do it, and I'm tired of it all. I wish you all would just shut the fuck up and get away from me. I've heard enough of your greatness. Remember, I helped you get there, but do you remember this? Of course not. . .

Some of you derserve this happiness. I know you do, but I simply cannot stand the fact that you got it before me. I am only human. . . . .

But this time I step back. I will no longer aid you. Do it yourself, and burn. This time you can pick yourselves up, you ungrateful assholes.

Friday, October 18th, 2002

( look into my world)

Time:8:57 pm.
this is merely a test.

(1 speechless soul | look into my world)

Subject:see ya later past. hello future.
Time:8:23 pm.
Mood: numb.
i am so sick of this fucking journal. so i'm starting anew and making a brand spankin' new one. it's time to throw all the ghosts of the past away, and invite the future. so as of tommorow my new lj user name is: soul whisperer. if you even care. if you wish to be added, then drop me a line. if not, whatever.

( look into my world)

Time:9:54 am.
Mood:the worlds weight on my back.
at this point and time i wish i was unconscious. there is way to much on my mind. i want my jess.

Wednesday, October 16th, 2002

( look into my world)

Subject:lil survey
Time:8:04 am.
Least Favorite Color: hm. puke green. lol.
Least Favorite Food: carrots.
Least Favorite Animal: do spiders, count?
Least Favorite Final Fantasy Character: barret (sp?)
Least Favorite Movie: i forget. that's how bad it was.
Least Favorite TV channel: espn. blah.
Least Favorite Scar: where should i begin..

Fav. Color(s): silver/green/black/red
Fav. Food: salad with creamy ranch dressing. mmm.
Fav. Animal: black panther/ baby seals
Fav. Final Fantasy Character: aerith/rinoa/garnet/yuna = cloud/irvine/zidane/wakka
Fav. Movie: the matrix/LoTR/dragon heart
Fav. TV channel: cartoon network

Tuesday, October 15th, 2002

( look into my world)

Time:6:14 pm.
Mood: happy.

this one actually made me think a bit.

and this one is just plain cute.

( look into my world)

Subject:some thingy
Time:10:23 am.
Mood: exhausted.

take free enneagram test

Ahh, the Two! Soft, sweet, gentle, caring person. Twos warm the hearts of those of us who are blessed with their friendship. Their exquisitely sensitive emotional radar seems to detect the slightest need forming in the web of our relationship and they quickly respond to address that need. How wonderful it is to be so nurtured and appreciated.

Characteristically, Twos are kind, caring, gentle, sweet, warm, and happy. For the Two, relationship is the most important area of life. It is through relationship and bonding and connecting that potentials are nourished, needs are met, love is exchanged and cares are abated. They know and easily respond to the needs of others, often before the other person is consciously aware of having a need. By addressing that need, they build the connective infrastructure of relationship. Emotional life is paramount, and mental and cognitive functioning are less important, in the inner experience.

The Two's self-image and self -identity are closely linked to connection with others. Their exquisite radar for the wants and needs of others blinds them to their own wants and needs. Their generous nature with others seems to be withheld from themselves. Their attunement to emotional tone is often blocked when directed to their own emotional needs. It is not an easy thing for Twos to recognize their own needs - they truly believe that their denial of self-need is a generous, selfless act of kindness toward others. There is pride in feeling indispensable to the relationship, the institution, the world.

There is an underlying fear that as others see more deeply into Twos' repressed self , Twos will appear more unworthy, undeserving, or unlovable.

Monday, October 14th, 2002

( look into my world)

Subject:what else is new?
Time:12:55 am.
Mood: lonely.
Moon, Sun, or Sky?

brought to you by Quizilla

Moon You have a calm and understanding soul, but since you are reflected from the sun sometimes a little anger comes out in you. People might also try to take advantage of you, for moons usually seem to be dependent on others, but that might not be true. DONT BE TOO TRUSTING! You generally are very emotional, but sometimes you like to keep your emotions to yourself. You are usually the person that people's problems are laid upon, eventhough you usually dont know how to deal with your own.You like to write poetry, and sometimes you are considered a little bit eccentric. Although you and Sun are so contrasting, when put together you are inseperable.

( look into my world)

Time:12:36 am.
»i wanna feel you breathe me«

today is just like all the others --- i'm not alright.
i've cried my last tear's, i'm bleeding out my pain
as you look at me ... you've got me waiting by
myself; i never wanted more than this. what will
it take to get the truth ...? i'm on my knee's,
another page of [ i'm sorry ]'s addressed to me.
another story, for the collection of memories ---
folded neatly.

and i will never make the same mistake,
because your the greatest mistake of my life.

le necesito. le deseo. te amo.center>

Saturday, October 12th, 2002

( look into my world)

Subject:um. yeah.
Time:6:11 pm.
Mood: aggravated.
whoop dee fuckin' dooCollapse )

( look into my world)

Subject:the conversation
Time:5:42 pm.

"I do not hate you. You do.. know that, right?" Stubborn arms cross, pale blue orbs seering into my very being.

Okay..so you hate me. That is obvious.

I shake my head, letting it hang after, arms out-stretched in a hopeless shrug. I knew why she hated me. That was obvious too, but what I failed to understand is why it became my fault. I was only following my heart, just as she was. A battle. Yes, definately. I did not want it to be like that. I didn't choose.

She just looks at me with menacing eyes, face slack and cold. Was there any point to this at all.

She wouldn't speak.

"Would you say something already?"

"I hate you."

I blink and am somehow surprized even though it was expected. It was as if those three words alone told me a story, one that did not have a happy ending. Maybe it was the way she said it, but I suddenly became hurt and angry. I felt as if it really were my fault. I was, after all, the intruder was I not?

Or was I?

I take a step back as if slapped, and hold a fist to my heart. "Why?" The question is easy enough, yet the answer, complex and complicated. She looks to me accusingly.

"You took her from me. Your not even real." This offended me.

"I took no one. She has a heart of her own. I simply told her to follow it," I bring my fists to my sides, and take a deep breath, trying to calm down as I add; "I am real. And you.. were you not in the same place once before? Did others question you? Did you have to prove yourself all the time? Probably not, you just knew."

She looks down a minute. I cannot read her emotions or thoughts, so it came as a surprise to me when she said quietly; "I miss her. Everything about her."

Again, I feel like shit. Like a short stop, set on blocking the way. Is this right? My anger melts away upon seeing her sadness. Bitter, defeated, yet hoping. I do not know what to do at this point.

"I..I.." I can only stammer. What could I possibly say? Sorry, tough luck? You lose. I know I can't withdraw, because my love is there. I could never do that, but I feel so sorry for her. I wish I could help her, but how?

I sigh again, and sit down upon the porch. My heart hurts, and I am suddenly becoming depressed. I am tiring of the battle, and it aches inside.

I feel as if I must fight everytime, but I love her, and it somehow becomes worth it. I wish it could be different. I would sacrifice myself just to see her happy. Why must I always be the matyr? The one who has to back away tail between my legs.


I stand up and put my hand on my "rival's" shoulder. "It'll be okay." She looks to me for a moment and once again I can't tell what she is thinking, but it doesn't matter, because I don't stay around long enough to care. I just jump down the steps, hands in my pockets, and walk away.

( look into my world)

Subject:* looks at doughnut* shut up, you fried cyclops or i'll stick this pencil in your eye!
Time:12:34 pm.
Mood: tired.
One thing you could spend the rest of your life with:
-Give me the country, beautiful landscapes, a nice view, love, good music and wide open spaces..

<3s: Art, poetry, music, hot showers, affection, rainy summer nights, incense, flutes, lightning, fireworks, snow, coldness, violins, pianos.

Who do you turn to for comfort?: The sky.

Friday, October 11th, 2002

( look into my world)

Time:11:46 pm.
Mood: confused.
I had fun tonight, I really did, but as the night's events un-folded I found myself really questioning who I am. Everyone seemed so sure, while I, the cameleon, simply warped my image and shade of color to best fit my surroundings. Oh, there's times when the real me shines through.. but even then, I'm not so sure. Who the fuck am I? Tyler's words ring in my ears. "You are trying to hard, just let go and be yourself." Was I not telling him the same thing a few months ago? While his words were touching and almost wise, I felt offended.

He is telling me this when I'm not even sure if he is bull-shitting this new and improved 'Tyler'. He must be because he's not the Tyler I knew. Yeah, I know, people change, but Tyler.. smoking? He used to grab my cigs and break them before my en-raged eyes.

He used to smack me everytime my hand was fishing within my pockets for a Marlboro, and now to see him do that which he hated so much. Nuh Uh.. not him at all. Maybe, he too, is just trying to fit in, in a society that is so tight assed. ::Sigh:: I do not know. I enjoyed the club, good music, friends, but absolutely no gay people, beside me and these two other guys. I was like: "Ugh! I don't wanna dance with you, Crystal." Crystal is one of my good friends.

My mind is racing with thoughts now. I feel so abandoned by everyone and maybe I'm wrong. I should be happy that Tyler is popular, but I don't have to except the fact that he is slowly but surely turning arrogant and self absorbed. "Sorry Amanda, since you switched schools it's been harder to make plans with you. I mean, we talk on the phone and make plans but by then I just have millions of other plans that I have to cancel yours because of popular demand by my other friends. Sorry." Sorry? Feh. Sorry this. ::Gives him the middle finger::

Does he not realize that he is, socially speaking, 'the flavor of the week.' That those people are not really his friends at all. That when all hell breaks loose and he is alone again, that I will be the only one who will truly kneel down and offer him a hand up, because I sincerely love him as one of my most best friends.

I dunno..

Maybe I'm just jealous. Is there something wrong with me? Am I that boring and bad of a person that no one seems to see how genuine I am. Maybe it's for the best. ::Shrugs::

Sometimes, I feel like I'm the only real person in this world.

( look into my world)

Subject:click it, damn you!
Time:5:09 pm.
Mood: bouncy.
click here for something really interesting!!Collapse )

( look into my world)

Subject:more yayness?
Time:1:12 pm.
Mood:hehehe, i dont careeee!!!.

What Is Your True Aura Colour?

brought to you by Quizilla

-~Which SUNSET are you? (v.2)~-

brought to you by Quizilla

You are the good ol' classic sunset. Romantical and serene, you're genuine nature will guarentee you an incredible amount of pain in this life as you realize how many phony hypocrites are out there. Sooner or later you'll decide to stop hating them and start helping them. Don't expect anything, give your love without abandon and you will reap countless rewards. You are not greedy. Thank you for your flexibility and willingness to compromise. Yeah you can be stubborn, but for the most part, you're willing to hang loose. Know this...that no matter what, you are loved.


( look into my world)

Time:12:54 pm.
Mood: excited.
useless but funCollapse )

Wednesday, October 9th, 2002

( look into my world)

Subject:Quizzes. Yay.
Time:10:16 am.
Mood: bored.

Which Celtic Moon Sign Fits Your Personality Best?

brought to you by Quizilla

A different quiz, what strange type of person are you?

brought to you by Quizilla

Tuesday, October 8th, 2002

(5 speechless souls | look into my world)

Time:7:40 pm.

( look into my world)

Subject:a useless fact about a useless person.
Time:6:50 pm.
What is/are your most prized material possession(s)? Why?: The rocks and shells I collect at sea. It took years to shape these perfectly smooth works.. someone has to cherish them, or else the effort would be in vain..

LiveJournal for |<>| soul bleed |<>|.

View:User Info.
View:Website (hurt me more).
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.